Creative Works

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Intermediate

 

They say that feeling, that churning, gut-feeling,

Those  ‘butterflies in your stomach’ - they’re normal

But it doesn’t feel normal, I think I’ll throw up

And with that, I’m called to the front

 

Truly, I tried to muster my courage

Swallow back my illogical fear

 

But with my palms all sweaty, all numb, and my heart - 

Racing and pounding, each pulse in my ears - 

And my legs jellified and my thoughts now a mush - 

And my throat closing up and - 

The world… turning… black…

 

I can’t do this

I’m not ready

 

But I have to be brave and try

 

I bow to the dojo, my teachers, and attackers.

Techniques are called and we begin

Harnessing my core as flow through the moves

Converting my motions to power 

 

Somehow, I manage to push myself on

Completing technique saves and chokeholds

Fear loses its grasp as I huff and I sweat

Muscle memory just takes control

 

I’m nearing halfway, my breathing grows fast

Attackers hold small, wooden blades

Knife defences are hard, and as they strike and thrust

Don’t hesitate to block and disarm

 

When I’m on free techniques, I start feeling faint

I’m wheezing, sweat glazes my brow

My body is now just a programmed machine 

But it's crashing, it might just shut down

 

Now random attacks, my limbs are so heavy

My willpower strains to persist

Now multi-attacker techniques will commence

I’m so close - so close to the end!

 

Three different attackers, all charging at once

I struggle to defend their quick strikes

Now to steal their centre, toss them to the mat

Safety first, take their balance, then throw

 

“Good!” Sensei calls. My heart skips a beat

Am I done? Did I finish the test?

The final technique I complete with a grin

It’s over! And now I can rest

 

My friends fall on top of me, laughter and hugs

My family cheers from their seats

All my instructors share with me their thoughts

“Your test was so great! I’m amazed!”

 

Looking back at that day, I can help but smile

Not just in light of my success

Not even because all my training paid off

But because, in the end, I was wrong.

 

All along, I could do it, I was ready.

And because I was brave and I tried 

My belt’s now adorned a ruby red stripe 

Intermediate black belt at last!

 

                                                                                                                   By Cassie Chan

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